a couple in the cold after an affair

After An Affair: Do I Stay Or Do I Leave?

After an affair, you might think the first big decision is “Do I stay or do I leave?” It’s not. Of course, we don’t really need the Game of Thrones to teach us about marriage, passion, betrayal and rage. Then again, it’s fire-ravaging dragons and...
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two birds on a branch like a marriage

Guest Post: How A Bird Feeder Revived My Marriage

“How a Bird Feeder Revived My Marriage” is a guest-post written by TISTA SEN.  I post it here because decades of a relationship bring lonely, grumpy times.  Yet, Tista Sen reminds us how the little even-unwanted things might revive our relationships. How a Bird Feeder...
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two men on bus for languages of love

Five Languages of Love, The Best-Seller Summarized

One could suppose that The Five Languages of Love: The Secret to Love that Lasts, written decades ago by Gary Chapman, is still a best-seller because we’re all trying to ensure our everlasting love–and his title promises that, though are we sure any book can deliver?...
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couple running from dinosaur childless or parenthood

Childless? Want a baby? It turns out parenthood is worse than divorce, job-loss — even a partner’s death

It turns out parenthood is worse than divorce, job-loss — and even the death of a partner. This surprises persons who, childless, feel only despair if they cannot “have” a baby.  Similarly, if you’re thinking a baby will save the marriage, just the opposite —...
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couple splashing in superiority

We All Splash In It: Superiority. But It Can Drown A Good Relationship

“Superiority and subsequently contempt is the kiss of death,” says Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert in the empirical research of marriages. What’s worse is that most of us don’t even notice it’s earliest emergence in our relationship. It’s...
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Thirteen Questions to Ask Before You Marry — And After

This month, in the Field Notes of The New York Times (Sunday, March 27), Eleanor Stanford gives us this no-kidding statement: “When it comes to marriage, what you don’t know really can hurt you.” Although she could be referring to affairs, she’...
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Which View Of Marriage Do You See?

Last month, The New York Times Op-Ed columnist David Brooks wrote, “Most people don’t change much over time.” Really? Then again, I suppose I do agree, that is, if we don’t care to change or we kid ourselves that we did our best, when actually we secretly are not...
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bright colorful couple for language of love

Four Behaviors That Usually End Your Relationship

Guest post by Erin Brown ~ Ever been in the middle of a heated argument when suddenly the other person pulls out their phone and starts texting? If the answer is yes, and if you find it happening constantly, we hope that person isn’t your significant other. This behavior,...
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How to Be Happy In A Snow Squall

Alone in a blizzard, a woman’s snowflaked lashes flutter shut. With breath fading and lips palish purple, she hums a song unfamiliar to her: Shiny happy people holding hands. As if I’m kidding (but I’m not), the woman’s name is Happy, though she’s not very happy, is...
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They’re playing our song, or something like that. The neuroscience of music.

In the earliest sessions of couples counseling, I ask married couples to tell me about their wedding. Inevitably, as they recount things like the engagement proposal, the party’s caterer, the guest list and the drama, something more trickles out: a constellation of hidden...
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