Which View Of Marriage Do You See?

Last month, The New York Times Op-Ed columnist David Brooks wrote, “Most people don’t change much over time.” Really? Then again, I suppose I do agree, that is, if we don’t care to change or we kid ourselves that we did our best, when actually we secretly are not...
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bright colorful couple for language of love

Four Behaviors That Usually End Your Relationship

Guest post by Erin Brown ~ Ever been in the middle of a heated argument when suddenly the other person pulls out their phone and starts texting? If the answer is yes, and if you find it happening constantly, we hope that person isn’t your significant other. This behavior,...
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How to Be Happy In A Snow Squall

Alone in a blizzard, a woman’s snowflaked lashes flutter shut. With breath fading and lips palish purple, she hums a song unfamiliar to her: Shiny happy people holding hands. As if I’m kidding (but I’m not), the woman’s name is Happy, though she’s not very happy, is...
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They’re playing our song, or something like that. The neuroscience of music.

In the earliest sessions of couples counseling, I ask married couples to tell me about their wedding. Inevitably, as they recount things like the engagement proposal, the party’s caterer, the guest list and the drama, something more trickles out: a constellation of hidden...
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thanksgiving gratitude

Faking Thanksgiving (Because It’s Not Easy)

As a therapist, I know that on many (most?) occasions lots of good people have to fake thanksgiving. And, like I said, these are truly good people. Circumstances of life can make the commercialized, easy-breezy, fa-la-la-la-la gratitude next to impossible. And, so, with our...
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Wonderful Life Re-Imagined

In Friday’s October 23 Shoreline Times paper, theater-critic Brooks Appelbaum slipped on the metaphorical ice of superficiality. That is, she thumbed down the Goodspeed‘s theatrical musical A Wonderful Life, and only because it’s not like the famous movie....
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The Big Bang Theory and Terry Klee

The Big Bang Theory and You. Now, Please Pass the Butter!

Sometimes we abruptly belly laugh, especially when the laugh is about something everyone knows exists, but pretends doesn’t. An old episode of The Big Bang Theory is one of those times.In the episode called The Indecision Amalgamation, Sheldon can’t stop talking about which...
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The Sound of One Hand Clapping

Try clapping your hands, but with only one hand. Exactly. It takes two. Happy couples detect and respond to their partner’s everyday, ordinary efforts for attention, humor, affection, emotional support, solidarity, sex and so on, twice as much as unhappy couples. (Studies show...
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The Wedding Toast I’ll Never Give ~ New York Times

A dear client of a long term marriage shared this essay with me. It appeared in The New York Times this past weekend, and I’m grateful to its author, Ada Calhoun, for capturing what so many of us know but cannot articulate as simply nor as lightly as she does. Read her full...
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Friends As Warm Soil ~ And, How Hope Grows In The Dark

Wearing suspiciously huge man-plaid shirts, two psychotherapists crouched over a patch of soil. Neither knew the other was a therapist. But, as new acquaintances, they each had a solid hunch that the other had donned the husbands’ threads for the first day of their garden...
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