long marriages breaking up

Long Marriages Breaking Up and Starting Fresh

Long marriages. “Breaking up and starting fresh, which everyone around you seems to be doing, can begin to look like a wonderful and altogether logical proposition. . .” Humph. The title was attention-getting enough when a few years back Ada Calhoun wrote those words...
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When To Seek Infertility Counseling

There are three slightly subtle scenarios for when to seek infertility counseling. Subtle only in that they creep in on us, and then they sound off like a wake-up call. Wouldn’t it be nice to detect the scenario before the sirens? But, wait. Even before these more common...
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happy woman deciding relationship

Deciding or Sliding Into a Relationship

When it comes to a relationship, the majority of us seem to slide into them.  Unfortunately, sliding is not deciding. It is a route to mid-life crises. For instance, take living together: Researchers at the University of Colorado found that two-thirds of us just sort of slide...
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people on stage for love and attention

Auditioning for Love and Attention

Ever feel like you might as well be auditioning for love and attention on NBC’s show The Voice? We might not be holding a mic, singing for a little t.l.c. and approval. But, we do long for affection, emotional support, solidarity, humor, undivided listening, sex and so on....
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two birds on a branch like a marriage

Guest Post: How A Bird Feeder Revived My Marriage

“How a Bird Feeder Revived My Marriage” is a guest-post written by TISTA SEN.  I post it here because decades of a relationship bring lonely, grumpy times.  Yet, Tista Sen reminds us how the little even-unwanted things might revive our relationships. How a Bird Feeder...
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two men on bus for languages of love

Five Languages of Love, The Best-Seller Summarized

One could suppose that The Five Languages of Love: The Secret to Love that Lasts, written decades ago by Gary Chapman, is still a best-seller because we’re all trying to ensure our everlasting love–and his title promises that, though are we sure any book can deliver?...
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couple splashing in superiority

We All Splash In It: Superiority. But It Can Drown A Good Relationship

“Superiority and subsequently contempt is the kiss of death,” says Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert in the empirical research of marriages. What’s worse is that most of us don’t even notice it’s earliest emergence in our relationship. It’s...
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They’re playing our song, or something like that. The neuroscience of music.

In the earliest sessions of couples counseling, I ask married couples to tell me about their wedding. Inevitably, as they recount things like the engagement proposal, the party’s caterer, the guest list and the drama, something more trickles out: a constellation of hidden...
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The Sound of One Hand Clapping

Try clapping your hands, but with only one hand. Exactly. It takes two. Happy couples detect and respond to their partner’s everyday, ordinary efforts for attention, humor, affection, emotional support, solidarity, sex and so on, twice as much as unhappy couples. (Studies show...
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Self Acceptance Terry Klee Blog

Uh-Oh, Self-Esteem versus Self-Acceptance. 3 Tips.

Uh-oh. In Alena Hall’s Huffington Post article about being genuine, there’s a hiccup. Sure, the new research smiles at yesterday’s research. Take, for instance, the classics like Fromm with the Marketing Self or Winnicott with the True/False Selves. Both of...
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